81 OSCARs and one bedsheet

Let's not beat about the bush, where the recession is concerned, celebrities are getting hit big time. the OSCARS are approaching but instead of appointment books filled with A List fittings, tumbleweeds have rolled across the showrooms of Chanel, Dior, Valentino and Armani Prive. Temperley and Marchesa have had not a dot. With no business celebrity stylists have taken to the streets, I noticed Rachel Zoe crouched over a paper cup and cardboard sign the other day. Her pennypiping wasn't quite up to scratch though. In the absence of a dress budget, Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Penelope Cruz and Freida Pinto have all been experimenting with crepe paper and sequins. Sharon Stone has been tearing her hair out remembering the days when she could afford that famous GAP ensemble.

Clealy time is not on their side with the ceremony five days away. But luckily I have some solutions to help. All these stars will need is a bedsheet. And possibly some dye if their purses will allow. "But we'll all look the same!?" I hear them shriek. Oh ladies, ladies. Where is the creativity, the imagination! Between you you've thrown yourself into roles about concentration camp guards, destructive addicts and mental patients (and that's without even getting started on Anne Hathaway..) where is your vision? A bedsheet is the most versatile garment of all and I'll show you the options..