Discotheque Confusion

Advent Season: Day Two

The Return of Cool Like Chloe!

I can't tell you how excited I am. May I introduce to you my inaugral and alas, the best guest of the advent season. I managed to tempt Cool Like Chloe out of hiding a share a bit of her amusing sarcasm and fashion wisdom for one last, weep, time.

"I'll Keep This One, I Promise..."

To start off this post let me introduce myself: I am Cool Like Chloe (not a real name, it's an alias. Only one person has been smart enough to figure out my real name) of the now defunct Cool Like Chloe blog. Now what made me come out of hiding and decide to do a post for Discotheque Confusion? I figured it's the least I could do for one of my first blogging friends and to all the people that I left behind at my blog...

Enough about me though - on to the post. With the holiday season coming around I've been thinking ahead. And I mean way ahead. Please, I made my wishlist in September. SO now I'm thinking of resolutions - you know the promises that you always make to yourself but always break. This year though my resolution is to help other people - particularly the ones who've been in rehab, shaved off their hair, lost a stylist or taken it a little too far with the fake tan.

1. Britney Spears

Basically Britney in herself is a resolution. Admit, y'all. Like deep down inside y'all, like right at the very bottom you still love her. And don't try to tell me that you still don't sing Oops, I Did It Again in the shower... We need to group together and help this poor lost soul.

See, there is room for improvement. Homegirl got herself a new weave! And even though the makeup looks like its from a 2 for 1 at least she's got some on, right? Right?

2. Fix People's Notions of Gossip Girl

Oh god Josh Shwartz. What have you done to Manhattan? Just to make it clear, people in the Upper East Side do not dress like Harajuku girls. We don't wear headbands 24/7, colour-coordinate with our friends and we don't look like Scotland threw up on us. I'm sorry but I don't remember being inspired by Waldo, Christmas tree's or the smurfs when picking out outfits. And we elitists certainly don't carry around zebra print fendi's (unless your the kind of socialite who wears clothing that screams "Daddy's credit-card!".

And we do have dress codes at school (meaning no knee high boots). And we're more inspired by the likes of Peter Som and Oscar de la Renta, then we are by the zoo...

3. Fix up those Mug Shots


The world should have probably ended by now - since when does Paris Hilton end up looking like the sober one in mug shots? Paris, good job on the playfully tousled "I'm-so-bad-I-can't-bother-with-a-brush" hair, and the coy glance. Lindsay and Nicole... Better luck next time. Cause we know there'll be a next time.

So when the police pull you over and ask you to step out of the car, make sure you look in your handbag first.

4. Get Lindsay the Help She Needs

With skin care we mean. The rehab routes already been done and I think the shrink is next but until then I'll make it my goal to help this girl with the skin. Remember, pale skin is your friend. And if you'r not for the pasty route, then there's always Jergens Natural Glow.

See Lindsay, we don't want to end up looking like this guy, do we?

5. Rehire Rachel Zoe

Let's face it Lindsay and Nicole aren't the trend setters they were before. Today it looks like they had a bit too many shopping sprees in the pree-teen section of Forever 21. Let's keep those clothes buried in the ground, shall we? So I vote we all grab the wrinkly-foreheaded-no-more stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe(Did you hear? Someone got botoxed!) and drag her emaciated Halston dressed body to these former best dressed starlets.



Sure their current outfits aren't the worst in the earth but we're all lacking the inspiration we got from looking at their pictures from before. Richie will be having her baby soon and I hope she'll be going for an image overhaul. And now that Lindsay's out of rehab, she'll need someone to guide her little lost soul to the Fendi section in Henri Bendel's.
So that's it. I hope you all loved the post. God, it was long. My poor little fingers are so unnaccustomed to typing this much. So ciao babies and read it up, because it's the last you'll probably be reading from me.