Sunday, December 02, 2007

Advent Season: Day Two
The Return of Cool Like Chloe!

I can't tell you how excited I am. May I introduce to you my inaugral and alas, the best guest of the advent season. I managed to tempt Cool Like Chloe out of hiding a share a bit of her amusing sarcasm and fashion wisdom for one last, weep, time.

"I'll Keep This One, I Promise..."

To start off this post let me introduce myself: I am Cool Like Chloe (not a real name, it's an alias. Only one person has been smart enough to figure out my real name) of the now defunct Cool Like Chloe blog. Now what made me come out of hiding and decide to do a post for Discotheque Confusion? I figured it's the least I could do for one of my first blogging friends and to all the people that I left behind at my blog...

Enough about me though - on to the post. With the holiday season coming around I've been thinking ahead. And I mean way ahead. Please, I made my wishlist in September. SO now I'm thinking of resolutions - you know the promises that you always make to yourself but always break. This year though my resolution is to help other people - particularly the ones who've been in rehab, shaved off their hair, lost a stylist or taken it a little too far with the fake tan.
1. Britney Spears

Basically Britney in herself is a resolution. Admit, y'all. Like deep down inside y'all, like right at the very bottom you still love her. And don't try to tell me that you still don't sing Oops, I Did It Again in the shower... We need to group together and help this poor lost soul.

See, there is room for improvement. Homegirl got herself a new weave! And even though the makeup looks like its from a 2 for 1 at least she's got some on, right? Right?

2. Fix People's Notions of Gossip Girl

Oh god Josh Shwartz. What have you done to Manhattan? Just to make it clear, people in the Upper East Side do not dress like Harajuku girls. We don't wear headbands 24/7, colour-coordinate with our friends and we don't look like Scotland threw up on us. I'm sorry but I don't remember being inspired by Waldo, Christmas tree's or the smurfs when picking out outfits. And we elitists certainly don't carry around zebra print fendi's (unless your the kind of socialite who wears clothing that screams "Daddy's credit-card!".

And we do have dress codes at school (meaning no knee high boots). And we're more inspired by the likes of Peter Som and Oscar de la Renta, then we are by the zoo...

3. Fix up those Mug Shots

The world should have probably ended by now - since when does Paris Hilton end up looking like the sober one in mug shots? Paris, good job on the playfully tousled "I'm-so-bad-I-can't-bother-with-a-brush" hair, and the coy glance. Lindsay and Nicole... Better luck next time. Cause we know there'll be a next time.

So when the police pull you over and ask you to step out of the car, make sure you look in your handbag first.

4. Get Lindsay the Help She Needs

With skin care we mean. The rehab routes already been done and I think the shrink is next but until then I'll make it my goal to help this girl with the skin. Remember, pale skin is your friend. And if you'r not for the pasty route, then there's always Jergens Natural Glow.

See Lindsay, we don't want to end up looking like this guy, do we?

5. Rehire Rachel Zoe

Let's face it Lindsay and Nicole aren't the trend setters they were before. Today it looks like they had a bit too many shopping sprees in the pree-teen section of Forever 21. Let's keep those clothes buried in the ground, shall we? So I vote we all grab the wrinkly-foreheaded-no-more stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe(Did you hear? Someone got botoxed!) and drag her emaciated Halston dressed body to these former best dressed starlets.

Sure their current outfits aren't the worst in the earth but we're all lacking the inspiration we got from looking at their pictures from before. Richie will be having her baby soon and I hope she'll be going for an image overhaul. And now that Lindsay's out of rehab, she'll need someone to guide her little lost soul to the Fendi section in Henri Bendel's.
So that's it. I hope you all loved the post. God, it was long. My poor little fingers are so unnaccustomed to typing this much. So ciao babies and read it up, because it's the last you'll probably be reading from me.


cotton candy said...

lol. this post is hilarious! great post!!

meanwhile, i really want to watch gossip girl so much!! i hope it airs in aust real soon!!

riz said...

This post is really funny! Thanx for clearing up the Gossip Girl Harajuku thing for me. I now have a totally different!

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, you cant retire, we need you- first time i generally LOLd in too long!

p.s. haha yea, i post about 8days or so which is why i end up with those marathon posts! but i do love your comments, so i doth protest too much... :)

Bojana said...

Haaaaa Cool Like Chloéééééééééééééééééééééééééééééé

I missed you and reading your post.

This one was, AAAAAAAAamazing. To quote Pete Doherty about Amy Winehouse/Julian Casablancas : "fuck, I wish I had written that".

Oh dear jesus now I realize I missed you even more.

Now up to me to tell you something : this is not a good bye, this is your comeback!
(I'm sure once you re-tasted the joys of blogging you won't help it, you'll have to write again, right. Right?)

Bojana said...

ps : don't you touch Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl is my official , post-OC depression, new god.

Even though the clothing they make Blair wear is sometimes borderline ridiculous, I'm still in awe everytime I see her. LEEAAAVE BLAAAIR ALOOOOOOOOONE

Ella Gregory said...

Oh you got up quick and early to get this one out!!!
I am loving these, this post was deffinately one of the funniest I have read all year
and it made me look at the Gossip Girl costumes in a whole new way!
I love the post below as well!

Héloïse J. said...

haha! you're baaaaack :D hilarious post! hope you 'll be reappearing here in the future once in a while.

K. said...

thankyou both of you for the post! Great Gossip Girl coverage- it's always different viewing photos and the actual episode!

Eva. said...

great post!!laughed so much

Lana said...

Why aren't you coming back? Why!? I still have you in my linklist, and won't take you off!

About this one-time post, it's perfect! I really like the part about Gossip-Girl. The examples you gave, are actually true if you look at the outfits closely.

Chelsea Rae said...

Haha! This was hilarious, yet inspiring. I too think I should resolve to help those recently out of rehab/jail. I may not have their money, but they sure do need someone's help who can remain sober for longer than 4 hours.

p.s. As much as I hate Halston Hag, Rachel Zoe, I agree Lilo And Nicole need her to dress them so they can get back on top of the most fabulously dressed stars list.

Paul Pincus said...

Hey, Cool Urbanite! Try to live up to your name...lay back a little...she'll be back!

Regarding Britney: She is a revolution and a revelation.

I don't have go too deep to know I still love her...I find that people who refuse to empathize and go out of their way to criticize Britney, are by and large envious loser types. In short, the typical follower!

I remember buying a few things for my niece from Liquid Sky when Chloe worked there back in 1994...she was really awful at dealing with receipts and change. I am glad acting chose her...she's brilliant. Just keep her away from retail and a cash register.

Rebecca, A Clothes Horse said...

I really like the comparision to Blair's sidekicks (who's names I do not even know!) to Gewn's Harajuku girls, why are the two most ethnically diverse girls in the show only shown together in matching outfits with the exact same personality? It freaks me out that is seem as acceptable.

Selina (Flying Saucer) said...

yeeees! loved cool like chloe, fab post!

Alexa said...

haha i'm glad someone is realistic about that stupid gossip girl fashion. blair looks like an idiot 50% of the time. and when she's looking normal, it's just because jenny has stolen her clothes. (i do love the show though!)

Anonymous said...

haha, those are some altruistic resolutions! I hope britney and lindsay get their s. together very badly, mostly because then I'd stop reading my mom's US weeklies in the bathtub.

Andrea Martínez Maugard said...

The classic comeback! Hilarious post

Raych said...

Great post, love the humor and sarcasm! This post will last me until mid 2008.

Jennifer said...

i am deeeeelighted with #2!

Ellie Lee said...

omg cool like chloe!!!!!!! missed you so much!!
awww. and thanks stevie! for bringing her back!

love GG too!!